Talking to Your Kids About Recent Tragedies

Tawnya Meadows, PhD, Geisinger director of pediatric primary care behavioral health

For the second time in two weeks, the nation is faced with a mass shooting, this time taking the lives of 19 fourth-graders and two teachers in Texas. It is easy to immerse ourselves in the media and get caught up in the emotions of the tragedy. But as parents, we should take time to understand the impact on our children and be prepared to talk about these events with them.

There is no parenting handbook for this type of discussion, but as a behavioral specialist with a focus on children, I hope I can provide some ways to help parents navigate these uncomfortable but important conversations.

The anxiety and stress we feel as parents can impact our children as well. Limiting media exposure and not immersing yourself in 24-hour coverage is the first step to reducing anxiety.

Be mindful of your conversations and the words you choose. Try not to project emotions of frustration or hate. Our children pick up on our moods and overhear conversations, and those can play a role in amplifying their anxiety or other negative feelings.

Second, make time to discuss your child’s feelings — from a developmentally appropriate perspective. For elementary or middle school children, you may want to have a conversation while doing a preferred activity, such as coloring, playing catch or kicking a soccer ball. This can help children feel relaxed and express their emotions.

Third, be a good listener. Find out what your child knows about the subject and their feelings on it. Don’t have these conversations right before bedtime, though, as it could cause kids to have trouble sleeping.

Finally, be reassuring. Let your child know that they are safe and that in general, schools are safe. Point out the security measures that their own school takes for visitors. Remind them about the adults that are around to keep them safe.

For kids of high school age, who are more aware of such situations, know that they will have conversations with their friends to find comfort and understanding. Remind them to me mindful of others when they discuss the events in public situations. They may inadvertently increase anxiety in a peer who they are not aware has a history of trauma. Furthermore, stress that if they see something they are uncomfortable with or that looks suspicious, they should say something.

Simply put, there is no easy way to discuss tragedies with children. But making time to listen to their feelings and understand their concerns can go a long way toward helping reassure your children and making them feel safe. And above all, trach your children to choose kindness and notice the kindness in others.